5 Benefits of Undistracted Silence
I did a retreat in Kathmandu, Nepal a few weeks ago and we spent a lot of our time in silence. I remember reading the course description prior to going and being quite nervous about the silence.
Silence, in this context, is different than not speaking. The type of silence I am referring to is based in awareness and free of distractions (i.e. no music, phones, TV, reading, etc.). At the retreat we were allowed to read and write for an hour each, and that was basically it. The goal was to observe our minds, watching things come and go.
Silence doesn’t have to be on a retreat for several days. It could be one night a month, where you put away all your devices and sit alone with yourself. This may sound dreadful, boring, or both. When there is curiosity, however, there is no boredom. Be curious about your mind.
Now for the benefits:
[After a note: I will use a lot of Buddhist terms. This was at a Buddhist monastery, so my experience was shaped through their lens. If you aren’t a Buddhist though, that’s cool; I’m not either. But I think there’s a lot of value in their practices that can help inform whatever you believe. If you are a Buddhist, please excuse my over-simplifications]
#1 Recognizing Attachments and Aversions
Attachment and aversion are recognized as two of the main poisons in Buddhism. They are poisons because they lead to further suffering.
Attachment is being attached to things that we think will make us happy- a person, a reputation/status, the comfort of central heating systems (certainly realized this at the monastery lol)… it can really be anything. We get attached to things or states, but everything is impermanent. So we lose it or it changes and it deepens our suffering.
Aversion (also translated as anger and hatred) can be getting angry at someone or simply not liking something. We are often so unwilling to sit in something we don’t enjoy. Our teacher said, “what we experience as pleasure is actually just a temporary reduction in our dissatisfaction.”
So back to silence. When you are silently observing your mind, you begin to recognize how deep your attachments and aversions run. The moment you get slightly uncomfortable, you’re looking for something to entertain you, to distract you from sitting with the Being that is you. I haven’t spoke about this to anyone, as to not further attach my ego but I will here in hopes to benefit others. The first day, I realized how attached I was to “my” anxiety and panic. How strange. To be attached to thing that brings you suffering. In the past year of figuring out who I am and what I’m doing with my life, it seems I could at least attach to the identity of someone who is overcoming grief and anxiety. I am prescribed Xanax, but I never take it. However, going somewhere without it freaks me out because I am attached to it, even though I don’t need it. So, while I was at the retreat, I didn’t carry it with me. And boy… did my brain like to remind me that it wasn’t with it. But when it came up (every 20 seconds or more), I just observed it, felt it, and then let it pass. Sure enough, my attachment became smaller and smaller by no observing it and no longer feeding it.
We have to look at our attachments, aversions, and suffering in general, because we can’t change something we don’t look at.
#2 Discovering the Self Separate from the Ego
When you sit in silence with your thoughts for long enough, you realize (1) how silly your thoughts are. Like the aforementioned one above about the Xanax, so many of our thoughts are endless loops that we continually feed. When we let the wheels of our lives ceaselessly turn, we become convinced that we are our thoughts. And that they are so important.
Through silence, however, you may come to find that you aren’t your thoughts. You’re the awareness behind those thoughts. I have understood this intellectually, but experiencing it was one of the most impactful moments of my life. You don’t have to be held prisoner to your thoughts and emotions (your ego). Instead, you can transcend them and be an observer of your conditioning :)
If this concept interest you, A New Earth by Eckart Tolle is a really powerful read and is quite accessible anyone with a Western perspective.
#3 Deepen Awareness
When you eliminate your daily distractions, how much they’ve surrounded you. I remember walking out of the dining hall and impulsively checking my pocket for my phone. It obviously wasn’t there. And there was no one to talk to. So I actually looked at what was around me on my walk. I discovered so many flowers and beautiful sights that I totally overlooked before.
I also felt the awareness compounded. By the last day, I was so much more aware on my breath in yoga, my attachments, my food (I never realized how sweet carrots are), my surroundings.
#4 Creating Space to Acknowledge the Thoughts You Stow Away
When you observe your thoughts, some might come up that you typically resist stow away. Taking the time to sit with them in silence can be really productive, to either let them burn out or learn something from them.
#5 Develop Deeper Compassion
It may be counterintuitive, but you make a lot of progress on practicing living compassionately by being separate from others. Even if it seems like the best way to practice is to run around giving everyone hugs. Silence allows you to contemplate compassion separately from all the subtle social dynamics and possible selfish motivations (eg wanting something in return).
Taking and Giving Mediation - I did a taking and giving mediation and cried the whole time. So impactful and an excellent way to practice compassion.